Memphis, get ready to get up for the get down at the Hi-Tone on Saturday night with Buck Wilders, The Hook Up, Chase One (Memphix) and Redeye Jedi (Memphix). When these shindigs happen, the parking lot is always full, the place is always packed, the music is always funky, and the vibe is always good. See You There!
“Please do not LiveJournal at me over AIM.”
If you thought this year was tough for you, well I don’t know if it will help but guess what: you’re not alone. This year has totally and completely sucked in every possible way and not just for me. I know I’m risking bad mouthers, nay sayers, and pundits by live journaling these thoughts with you, but armchair quarterbacking other people’s lives is kind of what’s been on my mind today.
Now, before people with whom I am either friends or acquaintances start emailing me, I’m probably not talking about you even if you think that I am. Seriously, this whole entry is me trying to think my way through things. If you think that it’s about you, then ask yourself why you think what I’m writing is about you instead of asking me whether it is or isn’t. I’m not trying to start any wars, I’m trying to find some peace in a tumultuous time.
Recently, there’s been a number of rifts within my personal inner circle — broken relationships, money problems, dissent, the occasional grade-school barb and a general sense of disunity — the kind of stuff that you don’t want to write about or talk about for fear you’ll hurt someone accidentally. Well, if you’re me, that is. I want to remain Switzerland in all affairs relating to what has gone down between the people I consider to be my friends.
I feel like, and I’m certainly not alone, that there are a table full of pretty dramatic things going on over which I, and others, feel we are being forced to take sides. The amount and number of these issues and sides has become so crippling, its made for epic dysfunctionality in what are supposed to be adult relationships — so and so can’t do this because so and so is there, real 4th grade-type stuff.
My conversation with one of my friends earlier today really helped to elucidate the problems, too. We were talking about how when times are good, friends always give you the “through thick and thin” speech. All too often, when the shit hits the fan, they’re gone off doing their own thing or, worse, telling everyone except you what they think is wrong with you.
So here’s my question: is it being more of a friend to someone to be honest with them about how you feel or is it more friend-like to just offer a shoulder to cry on in their time of need even knowing that you’d rather tell them how you feel? Do friends force friends to take sides or can’t friendships, at least real ones, stay healthy without having to jump to one side or another?
Situations have ended sad, relationships have all gone bad/Been a bit like Verlaines and Rimbauds
I wonder if we bring the pain on ourselves or if the truly bad things that happen are coincidence. I want to believe that there’s a chance that things just happen how they do, like why it rains when it does or why, after it rains, there are mosquitoes everywhere. Not everything can enjoy this distinction, mind you — many things happen as a direct result of the actions we’ve taken. But here’s the dilemma: if someone is really and truly your friend, do they stop talking to you or caring about you because they disagree with a decision that you’ve made? I am blessed to have good, dear and close friends for whom this would never hold true and others whom I have heard the word “friend” used only to later find that use of the word “friend” was a prop for that person’s ego.
Yesterday, a person I’ve been friends with a good chunk of my life (and with whom I have been at odds recently) calls me randomly and asks me for a ride home from the airport. He can’t seem to reach anyone, the closest member of his family is receiving chemotherapy and is very sick, and he would have been in a horrible position. I took about five seconds of thinking about all the times he has been there for me, forgot all about whatever had us at odds and you know what? I went and picked his ass up from the airport. It was so good to see him, it really didn’t matter whatever we were mad about four months ago.
To me, that’s real and true friendship. People always talk about “taking a bullet” for someone, these little bullets add up to the scars of what makes a friend real. To me, that’s just basic “if you’re in trouble and you need me, I will be there for you no matter what’s going on with either one of us, regardless of the potential consequence with no expectation.”
At the same time, a true friend will also say “I’m going to tell you what’s screwing up our friendship and be honest with you about it because I want to try and work it out. I care about you and I don’t want to risk losing you, as a friend or otherwise.”
In turn, when lines are being drawn in the sand for us to cross, a real friend isn’t going to throw away their friendship over genuine love and concern for people on both sides of that line. It’s the ability to say, “You know I care about you, but I care about _____ and _____ and _____ just as much. If any one of you calls me and needs me, I’m going to do what I can to be there for you and you can’t take that as some personal affront.”
Finding one person about whom this is true in all of life is a miracle. Finding two is a remarkable blessing. More than that is almost too incredible to imagine.
It seems to me that it takes the same amount of courage to stand up to someone and tell them the truth as it does to recognize the pain they’re in that leads you to tell them that truth. Sometimes the truth deserves respect; other times, the truth is just a knife that people throw at each other in order to make themselves feel better.
Nobody is above reproach, and nobody is beneath it. Our imperfections are what make us human beings, and ignoring mine while degrading someone else for theirs, especially someone I care about, seems wrong to me.
And so, as my circle of friends becomes more and more splintered, and I start to notice the changes (both subtle and abrasive), I cherish the good times knowing that with them must come bad. The true test of my relationships lies in these moments of great stress and anxiety, either for me or for them.
What I hope to say to anyone who feels affected by these words is to please strive for some unity, some sanity, and some acceptance, either within yourself or in others (where possible). Times are too crazy right now for people who care about each other to be bickering over things which, in the grand scheme of things, are not nearly as important as what can come out of the unity that we’re all missing. We lost the plot. I want to look for it if you’re ready.
I hope I’m not too late. Here’s looking forward to the good times.
Sphere: Related ContentThere is some delicious irony to stuff like this, but you can’t really taste it. I guess Senator John McCain should screen his applicants more carefully before hiring them.
http://365gay.com/Newscon07/07/071207mccain.htm
Sphere: Related ContentWashroom Sex Bust Blow To McCain Campaign
by 365Gay.com Newscenter StaffPosted: July 12, 2007 - 5:00 pm ET
(Titusville, Florida) A co-chair of Sen. John McCain’s presidential campaign in Florida has been busted for trying to pick up an undercover male police officer.State Rep. Bob Allen (R), a foe of LGBT rights in Florida, is charged with offering the cop $20 for oral sex in a washroom at Veteran’s Memorial Park in Titusville.
Police said that Allen, 48, was seen coming in and out of a restroom three times before approaching the officer.
Allen has been charged with solicitation for prostitution, which has a maximum penalty of one year in jail.
The state lawmaker is one of six co-chairs of McCain’s Florida campaign. Allen posted a $500 bond and was released pending trial.
Ironically in the last session of the Florida legislature he sponsored a failed bill that would have tightened the state’s prohibition on public sex. He also has been a supporter of amending the state constitution to ban same-sex marriage and has opposed a bill to curb bullying of gay students.
Allen resigned Thursday from the McCain campaign.
Meanwhile, two McCain strategists abandoned the campaign in Iowa on Thursday. Ed Failor Jr.and Karen Slifka longtime GOP operatives with deep ties in Iowa.
The three withdrawals Thursday will hurt McCain’s campaign already damaged by money problems.
LONDON (Reuters) - Can’t remember life before mobiles? Chances are you’ll also struggle to recall your home phone number and family birthdays.
According to a survey released Friday, the boom in mobiles and portable devices that store reams of personal information has created a generation incapable of memorizing simple things.
A quarter of those polled said they couldn’t remember their landline number, while two-thirds couldn’t recall the birthdays of more than three friends or family members.
The tech-savvy young fared worse than older people. The under-30s could remember fewer birthdays and numbers than the over-50s, according to the survey.
Two-thirds said they relied on their phone or electronic organizer to remember key dates.
“People have more to remember these days and they are relying on technology more for their memory,” said Ian Robertson, professor of psychology at Trinity College, Dublin.
Researchers polled 3,000 people over the last two weeks in the survey for Puzzler Brain Trainer magazine.
Sphere: Related ContentSPREAD THE WORD. PLEASE REPOST THIS MESSAGE EVERYWHERE.
This is really disheartening news. If you’re reading this, you must stand up and speak up if you want internet radio to survive. Dozens of webcasters, from WOXY to Soma.FM and on and on will collapse under the weight of the Copyright Royalty Board’s royalty rate hikes.
Your silence now will lead to even more silence when net radio disappears into extinction. Please read the following and take action.
Sphere: Related ContentIMMEDIATE ACTION NEEDED FOR THURSDAY, JULY 12TH
Greetings,
Time and options are running out for Internet Radio. Late this afternoon, the court DENIED the emergency stay sought on behalf of webcasters, millions of listeners and the artists and music they support.
UNLESS CONGRESS ACTS BY JULY 15th, the new ruinous royalty rates will be going into effect on Sunday, threatening the future of all internet radio.
We are appealing to the millions of Internet radio listeners out there, the webcasters they support and the artists and labels we treasure to rise up and make your voices heard again before this vibrant medium is silenced. Even if you have already called, we need you to call again.
The situation is grave, but that makes the message all the simpler and more serious.
PLEASE CALL YOUR SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES RIGHT AWAY and urge them to support the Internet Equality Act. Go to http://www.capwiz.com/saveinternetradio/alert_9738601.html to find the phone numbers of your Senators and Representative.
If they’ve already co-sponsored, thank them and tell them to fight to bring the bill to the floor for an immediate vote. If the line is busy, please call back. Call until you know your voice has been heard.
Your voices are what have gotten us this far - Congress has listened. Now, they are our only hope.
We are outmatched by lobbying power and money but we are NOT outmatched by facts and passion and the power of our voices.
Again, please go to http://www.capwiz.com/saveinternetradio/alert_9738601.html to find the necessary phone numbers and make the call today.
Thank you,
The SaveNetRadio Campaign
I was born and raised in Memphis and, though I’ve moved around a lot, I’m proud to call Memphis my birthplace and home. I’ve watched the economic highs and lows of the city for over 1/3rd of a century. I’ve been living in Midtown/Downtown Memphis for the better part of four years now, and I’ve been on the lookout for great new places that cropped up. In my neighborhood, a place called Quetzal opened its doors some time back and I have been a regular patron for a good portion of their existence, a vocal and financial supporter of their decision to come to Memphis from San Francisco because, after all, good new businesses build better communities.
That all changed today. Get ready for a meeting with a “business hippie”.
If I go into a restaurant or business, I spend money. I work for the money that I spend, and I spend it carefully. Sometimes, I spend a lot (if I have a lot), sometimes I only spend a little. But I always spend money, just like you do.
So now, imagine my surprise when, as I was connecting to my own Sprint Mobile Broadband connection (Quetzal’s internet, as is frequently the case, was down), the owner of Quetzal, Fred Charron, walked up to me and had the nerve to say to me, “You know, this is a restaurant. In order to be in here, you have to buy something.”
At first, I had to think about what I had just heard. I was kind of shocked. Was he talking to me? Realizing that in the fifteen minutes I’d been inside Quetzal today I hadn’t made my daily beverage purchase, I thought that either Fred had me confused with someone else or he was being needlessly micro-managerial.
I replied, “I always purchase something when I’m here.” Unfettered by my halfway-shocked objection, he continued with this line of defensive, and unbecoming, commentary saying, “No, it’s all the time. It’s a consistent problem with you.”
At this point, I just thought to myself, “This man is completely crackers.” I’ve never had anyone with whom I’ve spent so much money have the unmitigated gall to actually walk up to me and utter even a fraction of these words in my entire life, and never anything with such a threatening and disconnected tone.
I sat back and thought about the amount of money I’ve spent (not to mention the numerous people I’ve brought there for meals or coffee, friends whom I’ve had meals and coffees with there) at Quetzal over the last couple of years, how I had applied for a job and been rejected (because I’m “a regular customer”), and the more I considered what I had just heard him say, the more I was incensed. No, I was insulted.
Fred wants you to know, apparently, that he has clearly spent a great deal of money moving his operation to Memphis. He has built a place where, I guess, you’re required to spend a certain amount of money in order for it to “count”. But money can’t buy you manners, I guess, and down here in the South, we pride ourselves on having a few simple things like, well, manners.
Since I’m about to forget my manners, I hope you’ll still bear with me. You see, I then, in my rage, thought about the people whom Quetzal had hired over the period in which I, myself, had applied for a job. I began to wonder aloud if Quetzal’s hiring practices were ageist? It doesn’t seem like anyone over the age of 30 has a job there except, perhaps, the owner and the manager. But, of course, you have to remember — I’m pretty upset by what I’ve just heard. I can’t really control my thoughts.
I came to recognize the problems here: it’s probably out of the frustration that this guy feels over having built a business, invested all this money in trying to give people a false “sense” of community that doesn’t exist either in his neighborhood or at his establishment. I guess someone made the mistake of suggesting to him that he has to present himself as ill-mannered with his “regular customers” in order to get us to spend more money. So while I’m grateful that he would run the riff-raff off the property, and while I don’t fault him for needing and wanting to make money, Fred needs to recognize: people like me aren’t the riff-raff and we certainly aren’t the people he wants to present himself towards in this way. Like any business owner, he has a right to earn a living. However, If I owned such a business and I was trying to make money, I’d be working overtime trying to keep customers instead of losing them over insignificances and petty grievances.
Alas, the key “human element” of business seems to be lost on Fred, on his clientele, and on a couple of the people who work for him — but, then again, that must be why a business like Quetzal is forced into constantly hiring. At $2.13 an hour plus tips when it’s busy (the minimum server wage in Memphis) and an average menu price of $7.00 per person, I guess they expect their employees to do all the work (wait tables, make coffee, make food, wash dishes) while someone else keeps all the money for themselves.
Where’s the community spirit here? It’s a reasonable question. The single owner of this
