I was born and raised in Memphis and, though I’ve moved around a lot, I’m proud to call Memphis my birthplace and home. I’ve watched the economic highs and lows of the city for over 1/3rd of a century. I’ve been living in Midtown/Downtown Memphis for the better part of four years now, and I’ve been on the lookout for great new places that cropped up. In my neighborhood, a place called Quetzal opened its doors some time back and I have been a regular patron for a good portion of their existence, a vocal and financial supporter of their decision to come to Memphis from San Francisco because, after all, good new businesses build better communities.

That all changed today. Get ready for a meeting with a “business hippie”.

If I go into a restaurant or business, I spend money. I work for the money that I spend, and I spend it carefully. Sometimes, I spend a lot (if I have a lot), sometimes I only spend a little. But I always spend money, just like you do.

So now, imagine my surprise when, as I was connecting to my own Sprint Mobile Broadband connection (Quetzal’s internet, as is frequently the case, was down), the owner of Quetzal, Fred Charron, walked up to me and had the nerve to say to me, “You know, this is a restaurant. In order to be in here, you have to buy something.”

At first, I had to think about what I had just heard. I was kind of shocked. Was he talking to me? Realizing that in the fifteen minutes I’d been inside Quetzal today I hadn’t made my daily beverage purchase, I thought that either Fred had me confused with someone else or he was being needlessly micro-managerial.

I replied, “I always purchase something when I’m here.” Unfettered by my halfway-shocked objection, he continued with this line of defensive, and unbecoming, commentary saying, “No, it’s all the time. It’s a consistent problem with you.”

At this point, I just thought to myself, “This man is completely crackers.” I’ve never had anyone with whom I’ve spent so much money have the unmitigated gall to actually walk up to me and utter even a fraction of these words in my entire life, and never anything with such a threatening and disconnected tone.

I sat back and thought about the amount of money I’ve spent (not to mention the numerous people I’ve brought there for meals or coffee, friends whom I’ve had meals and coffees with there) at Quetzal over the last couple of years, how I had applied for a job and been rejected (because I’m “a regular customer”), and the more I considered what I had just heard him say, the more I was incensed. No, I was insulted.

Fred wants you to know, apparently, that he has clearly spent a great deal of money moving his operation to Memphis. He has built a place where, I guess, you’re required to spend a certain amount of money in order for it to “count”. But money can’t buy you manners, I guess, and down here in the South, we pride ourselves on having a few simple things like, well, manners.

Since I’m about to forget my manners, I hope you’ll still bear with me. You see, I then, in my rage, thought about the people whom Quetzal had hired over the period in which I, myself, had applied for a job. I began to wonder aloud if Quetzal’s hiring practices were ageist? It doesn’t seem like anyone over the age of 30 has a job there except, perhaps, the owner and the manager. But, of course, you have to remember — I’m pretty upset by what I’ve just heard. I can’t really control my thoughts.

I came to recognize the problems here: it’s probably out of the frustration that this guy feels over having built a business, invested all this money in trying to give people a false “sense” of community that doesn’t exist either in his neighborhood or at his establishment. I guess someone made the mistake of suggesting to him that he has to present himself as ill-mannered with his “regular customers” in order to get us to spend more money. So while I’m grateful that he would run the riff-raff off the property, and while I don’t fault him for needing and wanting to make money, Fred needs to recognize: people like me aren’t the riff-raff and we certainly aren’t the people he wants to present himself towards in this way. Like any business owner, he has a right to earn a living. However, If I owned such a business and I was trying to make money, I’d be working overtime trying to keep customers instead of losing them over insignificances and petty grievances.

Alas, the key “human element” of business seems to be lost on Fred, on his clientele, and on a couple of the people who work for him — but, then again, that must be why a business like Quetzal is forced into constantly hiring. At $2.13 an hour plus tips when it’s busy (the minimum server wage in Memphis) and an average menu price of $7.00 per person, I guess they expect their employees to do all the work (wait tables, make coffee, make food, wash dishes) while someone else keeps all the money for themselves.

Where’s the community spirit here? It’s a reasonable question. The single owner of this business knows that any sense of belonging or care to belong to our community doesn’t exist because, you see, Quetzal wants to win at the “short con” — getting your money now before you see who they really are.

Makes you wonder why they’ve expanded their reach from San Francisco, doesn’t it? I think it’s because we’re the FedEx hub and they want cheaper shipping, but please remember — I’m just angry because a place where I’ve spent a lot of money just treated me like a panhandler.

Other than a place for Commercial Appeal employees to walk to for a smoothie or an organic coffee, Quetzal is merely another visitor to Memphis that thinks it’s here for the long haul, one who will have to make some serious adjustments if they want to be a part of and serve the community purpose in our town that businesses of their nature must in order to survive.

They’ve made it clear to me that they want to build a business that caters to and is meant to serve only people who spend “enough” money with them, and if you’re not spending “enough” money with them, then you have to be spoken to like a third grader. Who does this Fred person think he is, The Crescent Club? Maybe Quetzal should be like a health club where you have to buy a membership to enter. Maybe this way, people in Memphis might begin to take this kind of behaviour seriously on the part of a business owner; unfortunately for him, they won’t take it seriously anyways.

If you want good organic coffee, spend some money at a respected establishment like Otherlands, an established Memphis business that has roots in our community which run deep. Instead of trying to “create” a sense of community to the otherwise uninformed, Otherlands has actually built a community in their long existence without feeling the need to treat you like you’re rubbish. If you need decent Fair Trade Certified coffee beans from a real Memphis-based business, try The Ugly Mug, available at at any number of grocery stores.

As for Quetzal, thanks for building a little coffee Disneyland five minutes from Downtown where horror stories of snotty service, mediocre food and pretty good coffee continue to run through the city like the Mississippi River itself. Much like that river, let’s hope Quetzal stays true to the legacy of businesses of its nature and passes right on through.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I walked to the counter and waved a $100 bill at Fred and said, “Do you see this? This is my hard-earned money which I would gladly have spent here today. But you had to make a big deal out of something that really isn’t. Now, I’ll take my business elsewhere.” Thanks for helping me to, once again, realize what’s really important about the community that is so much a part of who I am.

The really sad part of this: I doubt a situation like this would happen at Starbucks.

Mid-South Pride Parade
First Congregational Church
1000 South Cooper
Memphis, TN
4:00 p.m.
The parade will start at First Congregational Church and travel down South Cooper to Peabody Park for the Pride Festival.

Mid-South Pride Festival
Peabody Park
2135 Higbee Ave
Memphis, TN
1:00 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.
The festival will feature information booths, food, live entertainment, and the awards presentation from the Parade.

Someone named TJ (Teresa) Searcy was kind enough to have invited me to attend a BurnLounge function here in Memphis on Wednesday night at Holiday Inn Select – 2nd Floor Ballroom 5795 Poplar @ I-240, Memphis on Wednesday, May 23, 6:30pm. After receiving the evite, I responded that I might be attending. I got frustrated with her emailing me the same evite repeatedly (four times in 12 hours). So after I had already responded saying I might attend, I did some research that I think people should check out. You see, folks, BurnLounge is a giant scam and they’re using some big names to try to convince you that they’re for real.

Memphis is a city filled with individuals who make art desperate for a chance to earn a living from their art. BurnLounge being a giant pyramid scheme, what better place to take advantage of people’s greed and ignorance than the city where stands a giant pyramid as a looming suggestion of how easily people can be manipulated. Everyone around here is desperate to make a buck, so who better to use as “marks” in the scheme than your own friends and family (or people who dream of making money on the internet)? When you see “Justin Timberlake Enterprises” and “Elvis Presley Enterprises” as people included in their “store owners”, you might be able to suspend your disbelief long enough to pay the fee to, as you would be led to believe, sell music. Nothing could be further from the truth.

The Fine Print (or what the hell is wrong with these people):

1) BurnLounge uses interchangeable language to sell you on their “store owner” concept. People are led to believe that they can sell music through their store; however, BurnLounge’s financial schematic doesn’t really revolve around sales — it revolves around what all MLM’s revolve around, signing people up under you as “store owners”. They use the language of the music industry as a ply to get you to come on board and be involved. If you replace their references to the music industry in their pitches with any other industry — vitamins, time shares, cleaning products — you will get the exact same pitches used by notorious MLM’s like Herbalife, Amway, and many many others.

2) Up until recently, the format of the songs you could purchase were only good for people who are running Windows and are using Windows Media Player. No brainer, it’s not a tech-savvy site because, think about it, they don’t care if you sell/buy anything or not. Even though they now sell MP3′s, it changes nothing. The reason they made this change was to continue to look like they are “developing strategy” when, in reality, they’re just changing their tune to fit the model.

3) The only way someone can find your “store” is to search from within the BurnLounge interface — there are no direct links to your store that you can give to people, you can’t find your store in Google by searching for it, and you have to email people to get them to join you — which fits directly in line with the MLM model. Edit: They have direct links to stores enabled now and people have dedicated sites that merely redirect you to their BurnLounge stores.

4) Most Many of the songs (it is widely reported) are horrible quality, don’t work on your iPod, and/or are off-brand versions of the originals – and if you email their support team about it, you will get slow or no response to your issue, something you don’t find happening with iTunes. Among these many versions you will find many karaoke versions of well-known songs, instrumentals, and the like. Why is this? Because they’re not actually making the partnership deals with the major labels that they promise they are. The labels are all hip to what BurnLounge is and are unwilling to license their premium content to BurnLounge because of what it is: a top-heavy scam.. Edit: Major labels do license their content to BurnLounge, however licensing agreements are not the same as partnerships.

5) Representatives use misinformation to get you to buy-in to their plan. I have been approached by more than one person with a BurnLounge store who repeatedly denies that what they are doing is in any way a pyramid scheme. If you look at their model and what it is, there is nothing else that it can be.

6) You can make money, but not necessarily from sales of yours/other people’s music. You can make money either by signing people up as store owners or by selling songs. The primary method of generating income (as with all MLM’s) is how many people you sign up underneath you. Edit:You may have to complete a “sales quota”, but this is only so that you maintain a regular financial contribution to the downline.

7) They are quick to tell you about their affiliations with celebrity names in order to get you interested in making money with them. What they don’t tell you is that these people are all top-levels on the pyramid and you, who end up on the bottom rung of the pyramid, are not getting the same residuals as Rick Dees, Shaquille O’Neal, MC Lyte, Ted Nugent, and the others whose names they throw around. See, those people have thousands of contacts to place in their own downline. If you don’t, then you don’t earn any money.

This is network marketing that attacks the very fabric of Memphis’ music underbelly, manipulating and feeding on the hopes that you’ll get some mailbox money for your work as an artist. There is nothing I can say to you to make you stop what you’re doing, Justin Timberlake (why is Futuresex/Lovesounds is all but absent from BurnLounge even though you have a store?), but know that the Federal Trade Commission is keeping an eye on BurnLounge even though they’re trying to now manipulate people into believing their site is another social networking site for music fans in yet another attempt to create new marks for your so-called business.

Detractors say, “What’s your problem, E.J.? Are you against making money?” I’m all for making money in the music industry through doing what you’re supposed to do: making good product. If you agree with me, perhaps you should show up to this function and ask the tough questions like “Who do you think you’re fooling?” I’m all for competition with iTunes, but this is not the model, not the way, and not a smart investment for anyone looking to make a living off of their own music.

Additonal Reading:

BurnLounge is doomed to failure @ Puramu’s ITtoolbox Blog
Everything Just So
Flutterby
Wikipedia Entry on BurnLounge
Google Search for BurnLounge scam

All the stores are being closed down. R.I.P. CompUSA and BestBuy on Riverdale. We hardly knew ye.

I stood out there and froze my ass off and I don't know why. I gotta get in there and get my value on. OH MY GOD, here it is….Atari Flashback Game System.

It wasn't enough to be up all night after getting Turkalepsy, I had to be an idiot and go join the other idiots in pursuit of the ultimate Xmas gift for someone else (or perhaps myself?). Anyways, you get the notion. Hear the glory of my visit to Target.

Oxford, Miss. (TLV) -While the proposed ordinance to ban smoking has been getting all the attention lately in Oxford, another proposed amendment to a city ordinance is outraging local artists, musicians, and concert promoters alike. On October 17, 2006 the Oxford City Government will most likely vote on a proposed amendment to levee steep fines for poster artists in Oxford.

City officials are restructuring the flyer ordinance, which prohibits the posting of flyers, signs, posters, handbills, stickers, or other forms of advertisements on publically owned property. Flyers can currently be taken down by law enforcement or city officials and the owner of the sign must pay $50 if they want it back. Under the existing ordinance, police officers must catch a person posting a flyer on city property in order to prosecute them.

The proposed change in the ordinance will allow police officers to track down the artist, musician, or bar owner (or possibly all three) and prosecute them based solely on the information on the flyer. The proposed new fine for violating the new flyer amendment will be $1,000.00 for each violation. With the proposed fine for smoking in a bar being only $50.00, jail time is not out of the question for local artists and musicians struggling to make a living in Oxford.

“First of all, how will they know someone else didn’t take my flyer and stick it up just to get me in trouble?” said local musician Joe Nettles, lead singer and guitarist of Goodmorning Powerheart. “I take pride in my flyers. They are works of art.”

The exact wording of the proposed amendment of the ordinance is unknown to the public as the City of Oxford has posted no information on its website, nor has it posted the minutes from any Board of Alderman meeting since May of 2006 (unlike the smoking amendment, which can be downloaded on www.oxfordms.net). In fact, it is only because of the controversial smoking ammendment and the shear number of locals who attended the last City Council meeting that any information regarding the proposed flyer amendment has come to light.

According to locals who attended the October 3, 2006 City Council meeting, Mike Martin, assistant chief in the Oxford Police Department, spoke on behalf of the proposed flyer amendment and was quoted as saying band flyers were “litter” and “make Oxford look bad.”

“That’s ridiculous!” exclaimed Joe Nettles. “Apparently, we need to litter this town with cigarette butts to show them what real litter is. We’ve got more and more rich people coming in here to die and the people who live and work here can’t afford it anymore. Oxford is turning into a fascist state. They call this the ‘cultural Mecca of Mississippi?’ What a bunch of sh*t!”

According to local musicians, there has been a “flyer war” going on the streets of Oxford for several years.

“There already isn’t enough space for everyone who has a flyer to post a flyer on the three bulletin boards on the Square,” said Gentry Webb, artist and guitarist of The Cooters. “Many cities across the country provide fairly large kiosks for their citizens to post flyers. If they are going to tinker with the law they need to provide alternatives instead of criminalizing an artform and free speech.”

The third and final reading of the proposed amendment will occur on October 17, 2006 at 6 PM and the City of Oxford’s Board of Aldermen can then vote to approve or deny it.

I’m out of town so much lately that I start to really appreciate the things about Memphis that I miss. We have a wildly diverse city, filled with off-the-beaten-path extravaganzas that are frequently overshadowed by the chain restaurants and suburban sprawl that has forced the city towards a new evolution. After seeing the Memphis Flyer’s Best of 2006, I was like many Memphians, scratching my head trying to figure out how certain things ended up on the list at all. Best Pizza: Pizza Hut? Best Burger: Backyard Burger? Memphis, are you smoking crack again?

Well, yes. Yes, you are, but that’s no excuse. So, I am making my own best-0f list that you can choose to agree or disagree with. You can ignore everything on this list and do whatever you want to do, I seriously don’t care either way. But, if you’re looking for a good time that doesn’t involve corporate chains and the like, here’s some of my favorite places to eat when I manage to sit still.

Food:

Square Foods 937 S. Cooper 901-274-2222 http://squarefoods.com A delicious selection of grab-n-go organics, beverages, snacks, and sandwiches, Square Foods boasts the best organic food experience in all of Midtown. Be sure to say hi to Sheri Stoker and enjoy a taste of Square Foods’ incomparable Soy Cream (frozen soy-based ice cream). Pro Tip: Sunday brunch is served from 10am-3pm, the Smoked Gouda Grits are sinfully good.

Ellen’s Soul Food & Bar-B-Q 601 S. Parkway E. 901-942-4888 Fried chicken any way you want it, vegetables that are so good they’re sinful, corn cakes that will make your curly hair straight, Ellen’s is hands-down the best soul food in the city. You would do well to make the trip.

Jerry’s Sno-Cones and Car Wash 1657 Wells Station Rd. Every flavor of the sno-cone rainbow is represented at Jerry’s, a Memphis standard and tradition like no other. The wedding cake sno-cone deluxe (layers of shaved ice over ice cream imbued with wedding cake flavoring) is truly the creme de la creme of sno-cones in the known universe. Just don’t head over there on a Sunday, they’re closed.

Payne’s Bar-B-Q 1762 Lamar Ave (901) 272-1523 You’ve never had a real bar-b-q sandwich until you’ve eaten at Payne’s. Sitting in a converted gas station on Lamar avenue, the exterior is painted red-and-white so you can’t miss it. Spicy or mild, pulled or chopped, you will never eat another bar-b-que sandwich with as much texture and flavor as the Payne family serves.

Quetzal Coffee and Cocoa 664 Union Ave (901) 521-8388 This cafe, seemingly out-of-place in the world of Memphis coffee fare, serves the finest Fair Trade Certified and Certified Organic coffees in the mid-south. The food is delicious, they have complimentary internet, and the converted warehouse space is open and airy. At night, Quetzal converts from coffee and cocoa shop into bar, attracting the movers and shakers of the downtown scene on a regular basis.

C K’s Coffee Shop 1698 Poplar Avenue (901) 278-5404 The jukebox is full of amazing R&B music. The kitchen serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner in the traditional diner style. Eggs how you like them, hash browns, grits, and some of the best straight-up drip coffee-by-the-cup coffee anywhere in the area, this is where you go at 3 a.m. after you’ve been drilling your well with one too many Icehouse Light’s.

Pho Hoa Binh 1615 Madison Avenue (901) 276-0006 So you’re a vegan, huh? Can’t find any traditional vegan fare anywhere in the area for less than 10 bucks a plate? Pho Hoa Binh is not only one of the most revered Vietnamese restaurants in the area, it’s a haven for magnanimous vegan cookery unlike anything you’ve ever eaten. “Tofu Master” Han will have you never eating meat again, and his Lemongrass Tofu deserves a place in the Fodor’s Guide among the greatest dishes ever served. Pro Tip: the all-you-can-eat lunch buffet is served Monday thru Friday from 11:30am – 2pm and boasts four delicious vegan entrees and two vegan soups for only $4.99, so cheap you might feel like you’re stealing.

Dish 948 S. Cooper (901) 276-0002 Whether you prefer upscale dining or casual atmosphere, Dish is pure class. The tapas menu at Dish is an uncluttered excursion into diverse, savory eating on a budget. In it’s second year as Dish, they offer up creamy risotto fritters that melt in your mouth, individual-sized pizzas covered in caramelized onions, feta, and kalamata olives, both homemade Hummus and Babaganoush that are incomparable, a wine and martini list that will have you crawling back for more, and a friendly and attentive staff who work overtime to make your visit special. Pro Tip: happy hour happens every weeknight from 5-7pm during which all tapas menu items are half-priced.

Little Italy Pizza 1495 Union Ave. (901) 725-0280 Midtown memphis, never lacking in interesting cuisine, is emblodened by the appearance of Little Italy. In a strip mall near the corner of Union and Kimbrough, they boast an impressive collection of New York style pizzas, calzones, and pasta. Their overstuffed double-crusted pizzas are heaven on earth, baked crisp outside and spilling over with cheese and your choice of meat or veggies. Two whole pies are enough to feed a small army.

Los 7 Mares 3681 Jackson Ave. (901) 386-1199 Mexican food with style for the traveler on a budget, Los 7 Mares is delicious authentic Mexican food. If I really have to explain to you what Mexican food is, I don’t think I can help you.

Bryant’s Bar-B-Q & Breakfast 3695 Summer Ave. (901) 324-7494 I hope you’re not in a hurry if you’re headed to Bryant’s early in the morning. There’s usually a line out the door to enjoy their delicious biscuits, eggs, smoked country ham, and other heart-clogging specialties. Make the drive, wait in line, buy a whole bag full of their treats, plan a long nap before motoring onward for the day, and enjoy every delectably sinful bite.

Sushi Gas BP Station 6121 Poplar Ave. (901) 681-0111 You come for the gas, you stay for the sushi. Yes, behind that counter lurks fresh homemade sushi as delicious as anything you’ll buy anywhere in town and for a reasonable price. While you’re getting your share of British Petroleum, grab a few boxes of Spicy Tuna rolls, a sushi assortment, or ask for what you want. Made and served fresh every day of the week, you can’t go wrong if you’re on the move.

Head over to Loudersoft to read a little blurb on TIG and hear their EP, Shapes And Numbers which you can purchase at the show.

NOTE: This show has been postponed due to a booking conflict.